Hey mate,
Let’s talk about, um, talk.
Specifically, your self-talk.
See, it’s impossible to feel good about yourself and create the life you want when your self-talk is out of whack.
So, today I want to share one of my fave strategies from my eBook Mindset Magic.
It’s a really powerful and effective tool for changing your self-talk for the better.
Ready for it?
Let’s hand over to, well, me, but in Mindset Magic form:
Have you ever noticed that after you make a mistake, say the wrong thing or put your foot in your mouth (not literally of course, unless you’re an ex-Olympic gymnast!), you ask yourself questions like “Why am I such an idiot?”, “Why do I always stuff up?”, “Why can’t I do anything right?”
In our brain, we have what’s called the RAS – the Reticular Activating System (bear with me here – that’s as science nerd as I’m gonna get, I promise).
The RAS is basically a mini Google inside your head. So, when you ask yourself a question, it’s like typing that question straight into your internal Google search bar.
Whatever you search for, you’ll find.
So, if you wanted to buy a red car, you’ll start to notice them everywhere. Your RAS presents evidence for the things you think about or ask questions about.
Likewise, if you make a mistake at work and immediately ask yourself a crappy question like, “Why am I such an idiot?” your brain will start searching for evidence to prove that you’re an idiot!
All of a sudden you’ll start thinking about all the other times you’ve messed up.
Your RAS doesn’t discriminate.
It will just find the answers to the questions you ask.
So if you ask yourself a better question like, ‘What can I learn from this?’, your brain will start the search and come up with answers that are more helpful.
Something like “Maybe next time I can double check my work”.
Your mindset is critical for failure or success.
And part of the shift in mindset is simply asking yourself better questions.
It’s that easy.
Remember, when you ask better questions you get better answers. – Tweet it!
What are some smarter questions you can start asking yourself? Let me know in the comments below.
Turia xx
PS – I’ve also put together this PDF for you. It’s a list of word swaps and other activities you can try to quickly spin your self talk. It will help you stop berating yourself every time you lose your keys, and help you feel more confident, and positive about yourself in minutes. It’s free to download here. So you can print it out, stick it on your fridge, and start spinning your self talk.
I’ve been here before – what will I do differently?
I like that Turia. Another good one is that when you are learning something and you don’t understand it the first few times, it can be discouraging. Repeat to yourself , I’m feeling challenged , that’s a good thing! , as it means I’m learning something new.
I noticed that after making mistakes at work rather than blaming myself, like you say, I’m an idiot or can’t do anything right- I start to write it down in my work journal as a reminder not to do it again and learn from it.
So if I forget to send an email without an attachment- I highlight my attachments now so it’s not missed.
I also allow extra 5 mins so I can proof read my work. Just by doing that it reduces the mistakes sent out.
It’s about learning and not what you always do wrong!
Thanks Turia for your motivational emails x
When I mess up, I ask myself what things I have done right in the past, to try and get some perspective on the situation. Then I aim to do better next time. We aren’t human if we don’t make mistakes sometimes.
I try not to be hard on myself with mistakes I make at work and not to be hard on other people at work who don’t pick up the training I give, as I have learned to be patient with people and tell myself everyone learns differently.
I try at the moment not to worry about other people’s thoughts and judgement of me, and bring my mind back to the moment and not the past.
I would ask myself what am I good at? Or I can fix that ! What have I done well this week
this helps alot thanks
I JUST WANT TO KILL MYSELF IT WILL BE BETTER FOR EVERYONE .THEN I WANT BE A BOTHER TO NO ONE ANYMORE NO ONE LOVES ME ANY HOW I CANT DO NOTHING RIGHT NO MATTER HOW HARD I TRY AND I CANT TAKE IT NO LONGER.MY DAUGHTER DOESN’T LOVE ME SHE NEVER CALLS ME ON SPECIAL DAYS LIKE MOTHERS DAY .
I JUST WANT TO KILL MYSELF IT WILL BE BETTER FOR EVERYONE .THEN I WANT BE A BOTHER TO NO ONE ANYMORE NO ONE LOVES ME ANY HOW I CANT DO NOTHING RIGHT NO MATTER HOW HARD I TRY AND I CANT TAKE IT NO LONGER.MY DAUGHTER DOESN’T LOVE ME SHE NEVER CALLS ME ON SPECIAL DAYS LIKE MOTHERS DAY .FEEL HOPELESS
I know how i can learn from mistakes but that doesn’t make me feel any better. Especially things when I should already have learned from and do know how to avoid, or could have avoided if I just f_____ing thought about something for once in my useless f____Ing life, but no.
I do the right things. I just be in bad senerios I love my woman more than anything. I don’t cheat, I don’t leave her in the dark bout anything but I still get caught in my pride. To the point where I disappoint her nd myself. I keep my head high nd strive to do better I will be better. I over think things nd it costs me got to leave that habit behind.
I always say that
I just didn’t know that it affect me in so many ways
Thank You this helped me a lot
Doesn’t work for me, and I suspect that if it were that easy people wouldn’t need multiple months of cognitive behavioral therapy to achieve the outcome you think you have a magical panacea for.
What about when my spouse can’t accept a different way of doing things and downs herself
Sometimes it seems like it just makes more sense to kill myself
I do this all the time! Especially when people compliment me, i find something negative immediately! I’m losing on both accounts, when I do something wrong or right! I’ve got to the point where I won’t leave the house for fear of doing or saying something wrong and just want to die!
I got a distinction in my studies last year and It made me feel like I’d done something wrong and I felt really odd. I think because I couldn’t tell my mum because she would hate me even more. All I want is some love and support tell me how to find that and it will be like winning the lottery!
Just seen book link. Will have a look. Thanks for this I didn’t even realise I was doing it.
Since I dislocated my knee at work and was subsequently fired during a workman’s comp case I have not had a stable job. I don’t seem to figure out I’m doing wrong.
How do I get over feeling worthless and feeling like I can’t do anything at all. I feel like I was so confident back, then to now. And nothings really changed, except a little family issues but we got over them and are still working on a couple
Today, i can say i just learnt a new amazing thing about myself….
“RAS” it’s just showed what we think or ask.
thanks for this knowledge
I still feel bad. Especially since I didn’t think it was a big deal but the supervisor went straight to the boss to complain about the mistake.
I have tried to do this stuff, but no matter what, I find a way to blame myself. Is there anything different I can do?
yeah it
really did
I always do both, I ask myself “Why I can’t do anything right?” and I ask myself “What can I learn from this?”
But I’m always consumed by the negative. Usually I am a positive person, but when it comes to things like a responsibility that I have, and I think I’ve done the best I can (to my knowledge,) and then I get asked or ridiculed “why did you do this, ” or “why didn’t you do that,” and “how could you have not known?” I just feel like such a failure. And the person asking me is genuinely upset and ticket off.
Ive been feeling down because most of simple tasks i get discouraged for are from my friends and familiy when they say you are not good enough and you start to doubt and i never speak up about it, so its something that built up inside me. There was even a point where i got so depressed that i was not motivated to do anything anymore and isolated myself. luckily i slowly got myself out of it by reading books and building on my character.
I can never do anything and this did nothing
I will try this. The last couple of months have been really bad. Stupid mistakes I usually don’t make. I did it again today. Stupid mistake forgot about, missed turning Coolant on. Machine was down for hours and all I could say is what an idiot I am. Why do I keep screwing up